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异地恋分手魔咒?那是因为你没爱对姿势!

花光运气遇见你,却熬不过异地恋。这句话说的是不是你呢?异地恋这个所有恋爱关系里最辛苦的一种,需要有一颗强大的内心,需要极强的自制力抵挡周围的诱惑,需要一个人熬过四下无人的街和生病时扑面而来的脆弱和委屈。

是啊,异地恋太苦了。苦到放弃这个次已经在脑海里划过千遍万遍,但当别人问你为什么还要这样坚持时,你说因为我不能放弃他啊。

相信我,看了这篇分享,重新调整你们之间的相处方式,会让你好过一点。

01

Avoid excessive communication

It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.” Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves.

避免过度沟通

粘着对方,占有对方其实是不明智的做法。你们俩真的不用每天12个小时都用来增进感情。很多情侣误以为得时时跟对方讲话才能弥补距离带来的疏远,这种想法完全不对。并且还会让事情变糟。因为你很快就会因此而厌倦。要记住:少即是多。这不是邮箱里的垃圾邮件——消耗的只有你自己。

02

Set some ground rules to manage your expectations

Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise. For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

设定一些基本规则用以管理自己的期待

在异地恋的这段关系里,你们双方都需要弄清楚自己对对方有什么样的期待。设定一些基本规则,这样你们就不会做一些让对方感到意外的事情了。比如说,搞清楚对方是否可以接受外出约会吗?你的承诺指数有多少?双方能够坦诚相待是一件更好的事情。

03

Try to communicate regularly, and creatively

Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem. Send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

定期尝试一些创造性的交流

每天的“早安”“晚安”问候是必须的。但除此之外,还可以试着让对方了解你的生活和最近发生的事情,不管这些事情看起来多么平凡。可以时不时地给对方寄照片,语音还有小视频。你用心做这些事,能令对方感觉到自己是被爱着的,是被在意着的。(普特君插一句,要记得是特意为对方拍的呦!)

04

Talk dirty with each other

Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. Not only is sex a biological need, it is an emotional one as well. Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

彼此讲些羞羞的话

毫无疑问,性爱这件事对情侣来说是最为重要的。生物角度的性爱是必须的。但是感性上的性也必不可少。可以互相发一些带有性暗示跟挑逗的短信,这能让爱情的火花继续溅射。内涵段子也同样奏效。

05

Avoid “dangerous” situations

If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so as to reassure him/her. Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your partner is only going to be extra worried or extra suspicious, and of course, very upset, because you are putting him/her in a position where he/she feels powerless or lacking in control.

避免去一些“危险的”场合

要是你已经知道自己要在午夜跟一群朋友去夜店或者酒吧喝酒会让你的另一半不悦,那么你应该1,不去,2.提前告知你的另一半,让他稍微安心一些。不要以为这些事情没什么大不了的,这只会让你的另一半增添额外的担心或者额外的怀疑。并且当然了,他会非常的伤心,因为你让他/她觉得有种无力感或者是失去控制。

06

Do things together

Play an online game together. Watch a documentary on YouTube or Vimeo at the same time. Sing to each other on Skype while one of you plays the guitar. “Take a walk together” outside while video-calling each other. You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.

一起做事

你们可以一起上网玩游戏,在油管上一起看个纪录片呀小视频之类的,可以在Skype上一个人唱歌一个人弹吉他,可以外出一边“散步”一边视屏。你们真的得做一些有创造性的又发自内心自然而然的事情。

07

Do similar things

Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc. to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about. This is a good to create some shared experiences even though you are living apart.

做相似的事情

你们可以给对方互推书籍,电视剧,电影,音乐,看到的新闻等等等等。当你们读同样的书,看同样的电影,听同样的歌以后,你们俩就有更多的话题来说。即便分居两地,这也能帮助你们俩创造一些共同的经历。

08

Make visits to each other

Visits are the highlight of every long distance relationship. After all the waiting and yearning , you finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. which are all common to other couples but so very special and extra intimate for people in long distance relationships.

去到对方的城市

对每对异地恋来说最激动的莫过于去对方的城市。在经历漫长的等待和迫切的渴望之后,你们终于见到彼此,能够做些情侣间像是接吻,拉手等这类小事。这些对非异地恋的情侣来说很平常的事情,但在异地恋情侣里,却是如此的特别,这是额外的亲密赠与。

09

Stay honest with each other

Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need.

彼此坦诚

你要告诉对方你的害怕,不安,嫉妒,冷漠等任何的感觉。如果说你想向对方隐瞒你的一切,那么你隐藏的秘密迟早会吞没了你。不要总想着独自一人解决事情,你们要对对方坦诚且诚实,要让你的另一半去帮助你,给予你需要的支持。

10

Know each other’s schedules

It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he/she is free, so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when he/she is in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Know the small and big events that are taking place or will take place in each other’s life e.g. college mid-terms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews and etc. This is especially essential when the both of you are living in different time zones.

清楚彼此的作息

了解对方什么时候忙什么时候空闲是很有用的,这样你就能在适合的时间给对方发短信或者打电话了。你肯定不想在对方正上课的时候或是开会期间打扰到她/他吧。你们要了解彼此正在发生或者即将发生的或大或小的事情,比如说大学期中考试时间,商务出差,会议时间,工作面试等等。这对于分隔两地的情侣来说是尤为重要的。

11

Keep track of each other’s social media activities

Like each other’s photos on Facebook and Instagram. Tweet each other. Tag each other. Share things on each other’s walls. Show that you care.

关注对方的社交软件动态

你要关注对方在Facebook (微博)和 Instagram(微信/QQ等)上发的照片。给对方评论,艾特彼此。在各自的主页上分享事情,让彼此知道你们都在意对方。

12

Stay positive

You need to be constantly injecting positive energy into the long distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful and you can sometimes feel lonely but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven. One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety.

保持乐观

你得不断的给远距离恋爱注入积极的能量来维持这段关系。没错,持续的等待会很受伤,有时候你也会觉得孤单,但你要时刻提醒自己胜利的果实会像身处天堂一样美好。一个好的诀窍来保持乐观就是始终心怀感激。感激自己有个人去深爱,那个人恰好也深爱你。为对方身体健康,安全而心怀感激。